Why Do People Blame Others?

I believe that my life is a product of my decisions and everybody is responsible for their own decisions. So, if that’s true, why do people blame others for what’s happening in their lives?

Do You Have a Victim Mentality?

People with victim mentality are convinced that life is beyond their control. They believe that life is happening to them and that somehow all the bad things come their way. They are powerless victims unable to change anything in their lives. This belief results in their constant complaining, blaming and finger-pointing.

They are constantly complaining about other people, circumstances, and life in general. They are blaming their partners, parents, cousins, friends, co-workers, officers, neighbors and government for not having a life they deserve. When something is done wrong, they point their finger to others, because they’re never wrong.

Signs of a Victim Mentality

  • They believe others are responsible for what happens in a victim’s life
  • They’re constantly blaming other people or circumstances for how they feel
  • They feel attacked when they’re given constructive criticismchains
  • They’re pessimistic and feel sorry for themselves
  • They’re focusing on their problems rather than solutions
  • They keep thinking about past painful events that made them feel like a victim
  • They feel frustrated and irritating
  • Even when things go right, they find something to complain about
  • They enjoy talking about their problems but refuse to consider solutions
  • They feel powerless and unable to change their situation

Victims Tend to Manipulate Others

Even though a majority of “victims” do that unconsciously, their behavior involves manipulation.

Having other people feel sorry for themselves is an easy way to manipulate them.

A person who is targeted by the “victim” often feels guilty and responsible for helping the victim by doing whatever they can to stop their suffering.

Why do People Blame Others?

We all dealt with people who constantly blame others and who try to be right by making others wrong.

blamingPeople who have a victim mentality blame other people and circumstances for their unhappy life. They often do that either to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility. 

If other people are always responsible, a victim does not have to take responsibility for any of his/her behavior. Also, by blaming others victim avoid uncomfortable emotions like guilt or anger. And by practicing a victim mentality, it becomes a habit meaning victims don’t need any conscious effort for their habitual behavior. And habits are difficult to break, especially when they provide justification for something they do.

Dealing with Victims

girl-victimThe truth is that victims don’t want to solve their problems, because that would undermine their sense of being victimized. Therefore, trying to give them advice won’t have any effect. It will just drain your energy out. Victims confuse pity with love, so when they talk about their problems, they don’t seek advice or solution. What they really want is your attention and evidence that you care.

You can offer them your help, but very soon you will realize that you’re wasting your time. You better distance yourself if you don’t want other people drama and other people problems to become your problems.

Are You a Victim or a Creator of Your Life?

Victims blame other people and circumstances (lack of money, knowledge or skills) for feeling miserable. They perceive that to be obstacles, that completely paralyzes them, while creators use these circumstances as a driving force for creating a better life.

So, would you rather be a victim or a creator of your life? You choose, but you cannot be both.

It’s easier to blame others than to take responsibility for your life. It’s easier to complain about life than choice signto take the necessary steps to change what you don’t like in your life. Yes, it takes some effort to change your mindset and that’s why most people choose to stay in their victim mindset.

You choose your mental and emotional state. Happiness is a choice and it is an inside job. It is not dependent on the external circumstances. External circumstances are always neutral, you choose how you feel about them and what you do about them. You have a choice, and since you have a choice, you are not a victim!

In Conclusion

We are 100% responsible for our lives. There are no other people when it comes to responsibility. Nobody is doing anything to us. We are the ones who attract people into our lives and we are the ones who allow them to behave the certain way.

argument-benchIf you have a conflict with another person, that person is not responsible for how you feel. There’s no split responsibility either because you’re not 50% responsible. You’re 100% responsible for what you feel, and another person is 100% responsible for what she/he feels.

Blaming doesn’t serve anyone, and it doesn’t solve any problem. By blaming other people for what is happening in your life, you’re giving your power away. Now, these people have power over you and there’s no power left for you to change your unwanted situation.

So instead of blaming another person for what’s happening in your life, take your power back and change what needs to be changed.

If you have any questions or comments about “Why do people blame others?”, feel free to leave them below and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading!

12 comments

  1. Wonderful and thought-provoking article. You have really delivered the truth about ourselves being responsible for us. I think we often times want to blame others because we do not like ourselves or our actions/reactions.

    I can see there is going to be a big bookmark symbol beside this website as I read the other articles.

    Keep up the great writing…looking forward to great things.

    Barry

  2. I think one reason people blame others is because they know deep down that the reason they feel so bad is because of themselves and they’re likely unhappy with something about themselves they don’t want to address or think about.

    Unfortunately, some are so deep in denial that when you ask them what’s wrong, they get even more upset and view themselves as the victim.

    Do you think this kind of behavior is genetic or do you think this mentality is something that our life experiences form?

    1. Hi Aria,

      Thank you for your question. I don’t believe this or any kind of behavior has anything to do with genetic. To blame our genes would be just another excuse for not taking responsibility for our own lives.
      Often, people who constantly blame others or play a “victim” role were victimized in their childhood or they observed and then adopted this kind of behavior from one or more of their family members. Hope this answers your question. Cheers!

  3. I know it’s best to distance ourselves from “victims” because it is draining on ourselves dealing with these personality types. What would you do though, if this same person were a family member and someone that you couldn’t distance yourself from? What would be the best approach in helping this person see what they are doing and the role that they are taking?

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      Thank you for your question. Blamers consider themselves a victim and they will never admit they have ever done anything wrong. Blaming others for their failures makes them feel better about themselves, so trying to convince them that they should take responsibility for their lives would only anger them and cause resentment.
      In my opinion, when you are not able to distance yourself from the people with “victim” mentality, a good approach would be to keep your conversation brief, but informative and friendly, and what is most important – show absolutely no emotions when talking to them, because they will use your emotions to manipulate you later. Hope this helps.

  4. Hi Blanka, Ive been perusing the net trying to find a way to help my 18 year old step son who for one reason or another when things go wrong always blames someone else and I see a frightful habit starting to form.

    Do you think this may be because he is yet to fully gain his self confidence and hasn’t yet formed the capability to own up to his own mistakes. Perhaps I will starting with pointing out that blaming doesn’t help anyone, or solve any problems ! Any other suggestions ?

    1. Hi Janelle,

      Thank you for your question. Sometimes people who lack self-confidence or feel insecure tend to blame others for what’s happening in their lives, but self-confidence and capability for taking responsibility for oneself are not to be gained with maturity. It might be that your stepson formed this behavior during his childhood while he was blamed by others or he adopted this behavior from one or both of his parents, but to change it, he has to be willing to take responsibility for his own life and to make some changes in his own behavior.
      You can try with an open constructive conversation, but don’t involve emotions. Start with compliments rather than pointing on weaknesses and put your focus on finding a solution instead of emphasizing a problem. Good luck!

  5. Thanks for the great article. I think forgiveness of others, although it may be hard, is a big step toward freedom from feeling like a victim. It doesn’t mean saying that what someone may have done was okay, but it means not holding onto it and letting it eat you up.

    1. Hi Danette,

      Thank you for your opinion. Dr. Joe Dispenza says that we are addicted to our emotions and we use other people to reaffirm our addictions. I agree forgiveness is a big and necessary step forward, but unfortunately, people with a victim mentality rarely consider it as an option, because to forgive somebody means that they have to give up their addiction to the emotion that makes them feel like a victim. Thanks and all the best!

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