Forgiving seems to be hard when you don’t understand what is the key to forgiveness.
Have you ever had some of those moments in your life when you felt pain or hurt because someone disrespected, misrepresented or betrayed you? And although it hurts you so much, you still hold on to bitterness, distrust, anger, blame or hate…you just cannot forgive and let go.
Holding on to these feelings might feel familiar and lets you justify your past decisions, and after a while, it seems easier to live in a state of anger, blame, or resentment than to try to forgive.
Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. ~ Nelson Mandela
The Key to Forgiveness
The key to forgiveness is not to accept and forgive that person’s behavior but to understand their actions and behaviors. You must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world.
Each person has their own story. Every person has their own view of reality. What they think, say or feel about you has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally. It is futile to expect others to do what you want, or how you want it, or when you want it. You are hurting yourself and making life very unpleasant by living with the illusory idea that you are the judge of what is right or wrong. Remember, no one does anything wrong given their perception of the world.
Every person has their own beliefs, and many of those beliefs were inherited from childhood. Given that people perceive events according to their own beliefs, it is obvious that different people might have a different perspective and different interpretation of the same event. One could feel hurt from doing of other and the other might not even know that he has done something wrong.
When you realize that we perceive reality according to our beliefs, you can begin to recognize that these beliefs are something we have in common, and in this forgiveness from blame, you can accept responsibility and choose to respond differently.
You Are in Control of Your Own Feelings
Nobody can hurt you if you do not allow them to. Your feelings are just yours and at every given moment you have complete control over them. You can choose whether you want to feel anger or peace. It is important to forgive those that hurt you, not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve to be free.
Many people think that forgiveness is something we do for the person that wronged us and that it is them who require our forgiveness.
Often people hold back on forgiveness because they think that doing so means they need to be friends or lovers or closely associated with the person whom they believe hurt them in some way.
However, to forgive someone does not mean that you trust them again. It does not mean that you accept their behavior or that you will tolerate any further wrongdoing or lack of respect. It does not mean that you should be closely associated with them. To continue in a close association with someone who is not in resonance with you is to keep causing yourself, and them, harm. You do not have to keep that person in your life.
Forgive them for yourself so you can let go and move on with your life. Take away lessons from the experience and let go of the pain, hurt and blame. It is the state of unforgiving that hurts you more than anything that may have been said or done to you.
The Outer World is a Mirror of Your Inner World
The world around you is a mirror of what you have become. Everything that happens to you is in some way self-created. Everything is a reflection of who you are being. Emotions that you hold in become your physical reality.
You are the creator of your reality, and you dictate how your life will go. While you can never control what others do or do not do, you always have the choice to be responsible for your emotions.
Look at your life and ask yourself what is being reflected to you?
For example, if someone disrespected you, it might be that you had low self-esteem and you would probably keep repeating similar experience until you set your limits and start respect yourself. If you do not respect yourself, you cannot expect other people to respect you because people treat you the way you let them treat you.
If someone betrayed you, it might be that you held on a belief that you cannot trust people, so you created that experience to reflect your belief.
Now, if you continued to hold on distrust and anger, you would probably get more evidence that you cannot trust people. The key is to forgive and let go and to replace limiting belief with supportive one. When you start to believe that people are good and that you can trust people, you will start to attract people that you can trust in your life.
It is time to face something that causes that hurt. It is your chance to discover and let go, so you can stop creating the same experience. Then simply bless those people on their way, as you create a new reality that is in resonance with who you have become.
Benefits of Forgiveness
Researchers say that anger, resentment, and blame that people hold on to, often for years, cause a lot of today’s health problems.
These negative emotions can cause stress in the body, and where there is excessive stress, there is the potential for all kinds of physical, mental and emotional problems.
According to Bruce Lipton, Ph.D., the chemistry of the body controls the fate and genetics of the cell. The chemistry is related to the mind’s interpretation of the world, and that interpretation releases the chemistry. So if we are creating a toxic chemistry for ourselves based on toxic thoughts, this is having a direct negative impact on our health.
When we choose forgiveness, chemistry in our body changes. Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself to be free of pain, stress, and suffering.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not for the person that hurt you. When you forgive, you are giving a gift to yourself.
When you understand that we are all different in the way we perceive the world, it becomes pointless to hold on blame and resentment.
While you can never control what others do, you always have the choice and power to be responsible for your emotions and your state of being.
Forgive yourself and forgive the person that hurt you, and most importantly, take away the lesson from this experience so you can stop creating the same experience. Come on, make a decision, move on and see what will happen…
If you cannot forgive and still blame other people for that hurt, you might want to revise beliefs that are causing you to feel that way. If you think anyone has the power to hurt you, you haven’t learned the lesson yet.
If you have any questions or would like to share your experience, feel free to leave a comment below…