Learn to Love Yourself First

You have probably heard that in order to be loved, you have to learn to love yourself first. In this article, you will find out about the importance of self-love and will take away tips on how to love yourself.

Everybody wants to be loved, but not everybody realizes that they need to love themselves first. We must love ourselves if we want others to love us because that way we teach people how to treat us. If we don’t love ourselves, we cannot expect others to love us.

The energy that we are sending out is reflecting back to us. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, if we don’t feel worthy or deserving of love, we won’t recognize love even if it is sitting right in front of us. We would rather seek out circumstances that would justify our beliefs about ourselves, and we will do that unconsciously. If we feel a lack of love, that’s exactly what we will attract – the lack of love. So, take care of yourself!

Self-Love vs Egoism

Self-love is often confused with egoism. Egoism is not self-love. It is a cry out for love. People think that loving oneself means to be selfish. This is not true because a selfish person is an unfulfilled person who doesn’t love oneself. Fulfillment comes from an inside, where self-love comes from. Loving yourself means appreciating yourself for who you are as a person. It is the ability to see your true value without basing your worth on exterior value.

Self-love is not selfish. It is also about loving others. You love yourself first so you can love others more.

Just like on an airplane when the attendants say you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others.

heart-loveTrue self-love is compassionate and is about service to others but, it is not over-giving. People who love themselves know how to say no, and they take time to find their own balance and joy.

When we love ourselves, we value ourselves and we teach people to treat us as such. We feel no need to control or bully other people nor we allow other people to control or bully us. More we love ourselves, the more love we have to give to other people.

The Importance of Self-Love

According to Anita Moorjani, lack of self-love causes many of our problems: from bullying and health issues to war and crime. In her book “Dying to be me” she describes her journey from cancer to near death experience to true healing.

In 2006 she fell into a coma after 4-years struggling with cancer. Doctors told her family that she only had a few hours more to live because of her organs shutdown. Even though she was in a coma, she claims that she was aware of everything around her. While doctors rushed around her body, she entered a near-death experience. When she regained consciousness, her cancer miraculously healed, and after 5 weeks she was released from hospital free of disease.

Her near-death experience helped her realize that one of the main reasons why she got her cancer was that she didn’t love herself.

“We must love ourselves as though our lives depend on it because they do!”    –Anita Moorjani

Why You Don’t Love Yourself?

Spiritual teachers teach us that we’re born with self-love… so, where did this love disappear?

From early childhood when we started to form our beliefs about life, somebody made us believe that we’re not worthy and deserving of love. How many times have you heard something like “You don’t deserve it!”, “You’re bad.”, “Don’t do that.” “Be quiet.”, “Who do you think you are?”, crying-child“You cannot have that.” or “Don’t bother me.” Try to recall your early memories. As young children, we don’t have our consciousness developed yet, so we’re not able to filter and choose what is good for us, but we rather let everything to sink in our mind.

As children, we form our own conclusions and interpretation while observing our environment and people around us. Most beliefs that you have come from other people – your parents, siblings, cousins, neighbors, teachers, TV…

So, it’s not uncommon that you end up as someone who doesn’t really love yourself.

3 Signs That You’re Not Loving Yourself

1. You’re afraid of saying NO and you’re doing things that are not who you really are

People who don’t love themselves often end up being people pleasers and doormats. These people are trying to win anyone else’s approval and love because they don’t love themselves, so they need everyone to like them.

You must recognize that you’re doing things that are not you just to please people and that you’re saying yes just because you don’t want to disappoint people.

You’re doing that because you don’t trust people enough or you don’t believe they love you enough to want for you that what you want for yourself.

If people have already taken you for granted, when you choose to do something for yourself instead of pleasing them, they might call it selfish, without noticing that the fact that they expect of you to do something for them instead of doing it for yourself, is even more selfish.

When people truly love you, they want you to do the things that make you happy. If they only want you to do things that serve them, that is not love. If you’re trying to please them in order to receive their love, you’re looking for love at the wrong place, but not only that, by focusing on pleasing them, you’re keeping yourself closed for the people that may want to give you their love.

2. When you receive something, you immediately feel obligated to return the favor

This is because you don’t feel deserving and worthy. So, you immediately try to figure out what can you give back to them. From their perspective, they might be repaying you for something that you may not be aware of, so accept the gift and you might naturally get the opportunity to give them something spontaneously. A gift should come from the heart, not from repaying people. Repaying people is not love, it’s seeking approval.

3. You’re feeling guilty when having a good time

woman-fieldThere’s nothing wrong in having a good time, nay it’s desirable. Know that you’re important and worthy. You have to do things that energize you. Your life force energy needs to be recharged.

Take care of yourself first and increase your energy because if your energy is drained, you won’t be able to help and uplift other people.

Learn to Love Yourself

  1. Start to learn to say no and to be honest and true to yourself and others, because when you do something for others but want to say no, that’s done from obligation or fear you have of saying no. It has nothing to do with love nor self-love. You need to allow people to get to know you for who you really are.
  2. Learn to receive. When you receive something as a gift, accept it, allow yourself to enjoy it and know that you’re worthy and deserving of it. Open your receiving channels and love yourself enough to allow yourself to receive.
  3. Always make time to recharge your batteries. Have a good time and enjoy yourself.

If you have any questions or comments about “Learn to Love Yourself First”, feel free to leave them below and I’ll be more than happy to help you out.

Thanks for reading!


  1. It’s crazy how much I can relate to this article. As I was reading through the signs of not loving yourself, I checked off all three and it’s something that has followed me for a long time. I always need to return gifts, always feel guilty when I’m away enjoying myself, therefore I don’t do it very often, and always afraid to say no even when I really really want to. In some cases I make up a lie to spare peoples feelings. You have some great info here and I have a lot to learn about not loving myself. Not to mention the constant feeling that I just don’t. Thanks so much for sharing this content, it’s a first step in the right direction for me.

    1. Hi Jen,

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience. You are right, awareness is the first step in the right direction. Now, you can work your way out from there. It is important for you to know that you have your own value just like any other person and you don’t have to do or give anything in order to justify your value. When you know your value, you act from love rather than obligation. If you have any questions, just leave them below and I’ll be happy to help you out. Have a great day!

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