You’re either here because you like gossiping or because you want to know how to avoid gossips. In either case, you’re in the right place.
There are people who “know” everything about everyone. They even know things about others that others don’t know about themselves.
These people always have something to say about others, but rarely talk about themselves. You might think that their lives are just perfect, but what’s actually true is that it’s easier to talk about other people than to cope with their own lives.
Happy and fulfilled people don’t talk about others behind their back, because they are too busy living their own lives. They don’t feel the need to belittle others in order to feel better about themselves.
What is Gossip?
Gossiping means spreading private information or judging other people behind their back with an intent to feel superior or get attention by disparaging others.
Wikipedia: Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others: the act is also known as dishing or tattling.
Why do People Gossip?
1.People who don’t feel good about themselves temporarily feel better when they gossip or judge others.
2. When people lack knowledge or ideas, they tend to gossip and ridicule others to rouse people’s interest.
3. There are people who gossip to hurt those whose lifestyle they envy.
4. Some people gossip just to put themselves in the center of attention.
5. When people can’t control you, they gossip because they want to control what others will think of you.
6. Unsuccessful and unfulfilled people tend to belittle other people’s success to justify their own lives.
Why Should You Stop Gossiping Immediately?
1. You’re not doing any good to anyone when gossiping.
2. Gossiping is draining your energy. Try to recall the last time you were involved in gossiping. How did you feel, energized or drained?
3. People who often gossip don’t have real friends because they cannot be trusted. Spreading private information or negative judgment is not wanted skill among friends.
You know, if somebody is talking with you about me behind my back, be sure that that person is talking in the same way about you when you’re not present. Oh yeah, really, you don’t believe that because you are friends? What if I told you that that person claimed that she was my friend too? The fact that two of you are closer than we only mean that she knows you better and knows quite a bit of your secrets, which means more material for gossiping.
We all act according to our beliefs and perceptions. The same way as we consider our action or behavior to be right, other people consider their action or behavior to be right. If somebody has a different perspective than you, it doesn’t mean that that person’s perspective is wrong.
People have different reasons for their behavior and actions and in most cases, they truly believe that they are doing the best they can in a given moment.
From this point, it’s pointless to spread rumor or judge other people, because when you gossip, it doesn’t say anything about another person, but it says a lot about you.
The old saying goes “We see the world not as it is, but as we are”, or in other words – when we describe what we see, we actually describe ourselves, our perceptions and our beliefs.
How to Avoid Gossips?
There will always be people who like gossiping, so if you are not one of them, you probably want to know how to avoid gossips.
When somebody is gossiping in front of you, it’s important not to feed him/her with further questions and agreement. It’s best to tell them that you’re not interested in the story or to simply change the subject.
Very soon you will notice that there will be fewer people who gossip around you. They will rather find someone who will participate in the gossip.
Instead of surrounding yourself with people who talk about other people, surround yourself with people who talk about ideas, because there’s always something interesting to hear and something to learn about.
The Three Sieve of Socrates
This story tells everything. It’s equally instructive for gossipers and for people who want to avoid gossips.
One day, Socrates walked down the street, when suddenly a man ran up to him “I have to tell you something about your friend…”
“Hold on” Socrates interrupted him “Before you continue… did you sift your story through the three sieves?” “Three sieves? What three sieves?” the man asked.
“The first is the sieve of truth. Is the story you are about to tell me true?” Socrates asked.
“Well, I don’t know, I just overheard it.” The man said.
“Have you used the second sieve, the sieve of good? Is it something good you will say about my friend?”
“Well no, on the contrary.” The man answers.
“Hmmm, let’s use the third sieve then, is it really necessary to tell me what you’re so excited about?” Socrates asked.
“No, it’s not necessary.” The man said.
“Well,” Socrates said with a smile “If the story you’re about to tell me isn’t true, good or necessary, then I don’t need to hear it.”
If you have any questions on how to avoid gossips, please leave them below and I would be more then happy to help you out.